Leaf&Vine
by LilieBell
Summary: AH. Brown Eyes is the only girl he's ever wanted: Keen Kid is the one guy made up of everything she despises. Loathing and disdain; a favourite recipe for disaster.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. **

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><p><strong>BELLA POV<strong>

'HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF JESUS. ROSE! OFF THE KITCHEN TABLE!'

Alice's petite voice thundered up the stairs, shortly followed by her sharp footsteps on the wooden floor. Apparently, Rose was continuing on her I've-recently-come-to-terms-with-my-daddy-issues bender on the oak kitchen table that Alice had bought last Christmas.

I rolled over and cracked open an eye to glance across at my yellow truck clock; possibly the greatest masterpiece ever made, and discovered it was 9.30am.

Shit.

I flipped out of my covers to see Alice's inky black hair round the corner into my room.

'Bellaaaaaaaaaaaaa' she whined, flopping onto my bed dramatically, 'Sex on the kitchen table. We EAT on that thing. EAT. And I love Rose, but I don't appreciate any of the vagina eating I just had to witness.'

Wow.

I couldn't really muster a reasonable response in my current, bed-haired state, so instead, I offered Alice what I hoped to be an apologetic smile, and made a speedy exit to the bathroom.

Despite my love of Rose and all her cute quirks, she was easily the sluttiest girl I knew. She went through men with more conviction than a fat man in a candy shop. The Rampage, as Rose had titled it, was supposed to be_ 'A womanly experience of body, nature and language, discovering yourself and others, and selflessly giving to those of equal attractiveness,' _but we also knew that it was the result of many years of a daddy complex. Rose's recent daddy issues stemmed from the man's death. While this gave Rose an inheritance that would permanently ensure she was wealthy for the rest of her life, her unresolved father complex spiralled into a further boy-toy stage. And the one downstairs apparently had good stamina, judging by the noise.

As I stepped out of the shower, I quickly glanced at my fairly average reflection. Not too short, not too tall, fairly pale and all-brown features. I resigned myself to the fact that no amount of staring in the mirror was going to morph me into something beautiful.

I strolled through the door towards my bedroom which still held the pixie; she had relocated from my bed to the floor where she was rolling around as if she was in some form of torturous pain.

'The sweet, sweet kitchen table. How will I ever eat souvlaki on that thing again without picturing Rose naked?' she cried.

"You know she's just searching for liberation." I countered, trying to find out where I placed my lecture slides.

"Liberation and leg-spreading are two different things." Alice retorted. "I have no problem if she wants to be free, but free across the kitchen table crosses the line. Nakedness is a safety hazard in this house; the floors will break under all this thrusting."

She was right too. Our house was adorable and homey, but definitely ancient.

"… she has the most insatiable appetite for the male species that I have ever witnessed. I don't know whether to be horrified or impressed." She sighed, kicking her feet over the beds railing and stalking across to her own room. She returned seconds later with a black pair of heels and some mascara, shuffling over to the mirror to begin applying a thick coat of black to her lashes.

'Oh Bella,' she sighed in reluctance, 'I fear I will have to give it away to a kinder, more sexually-restrained household.'

I chuckled as I found my favourite pair of jeans and shoved my legs into them. 'Not all of us are dealing with the death of a father', I reminded her.

'Yes, but when my Nan died I didn't honour the death with a casual fuck.' She snorted at the concept.

I began the search for a presentable top. This turned out to be a somewhat difficult adventure, considering my wardrobe was almost as chaotic as the aftermath of Hiroshima.

Alice strolled out onto my balcony and covered her small frame in a woollen blanket, distracting herself by picking up the romance novel I had started last night, and flipping through the opening pages.

'You read such trash, Bella' she remarked.

'At least I don't do trash' I mumbled in reference to the increasingly noisy sounds coming from downstairs.

'What?'

'They aren't trashy', I defended, grabbing the book from her and shoving it in my calico bag. 'Would you prefer me to defile your kitchen table instead?'

Alice hmphed and sat in silence. Instead, she picked up a copy of CLEO and started flipping through the pages.

The 'trash' irony wasn't lost on me.

Alice, Rose and I had lived in this house in Georgetown for the past year, ever since meeting on campus accommodation in our first year of uni. The house was cute; sort of a mix between a terrace and a cottage, with a large, cascading vine creeping from my balcony, around the side of the house, towards the front door. It was homey, and I loved it. It was scattered with books and ancient relics Alice had found at a nearby thrift store. Apart from an ongoing stream of delicious men, Rose hadn't contributed much to the place; but despite her irresponsible sex habits, we loved her all the same.

It's not like we could blame the men either. At six foot two, Rose was a glorious blonde goddess with the body of a Brazilian model. All legs and breasts, paired with her understanding of cars and football, she was every man's temptress. The fact that she was studying a degree that gave her a profound knowledge of the male body didn't help this sexual fascination she drew from males.

Alice attracted the same sort of attention. Despite her tiny frame, her vibrant personality and her unusually violet eyes captured the attention of every male who wasn't looking at Rose.

And I was gloriously average.

I forced myself away from the torture of the mirror and grabbed my undergrad chem textbook. I was going to be late for class on my first day, but I figured it was better to actually make an attempt to show up than to make none at all. I was possibly the most undisciplined uni student ever. God only knows how I had passed first year bio-chem.

I waved goodbye to Alice and made my way to the stairs, before the realisation of what still may be down there snapped into mind. Backtracking, I headed for the balcony, grabbed some of the lattice and parts of the vine, and swung myself over. Alice, who was used to this routine, but nevertheless horrified by it, crinkled her nose in disgust and made some apologetic remark regarding my lack of feminine grace, before trotting off the balcony.

I hit the ground and turned left, grabbing my ipod and being greeted with the sweet sounds of Gypsy and the Cat. It was an early autumn day, and patches of clouds scattered the sky. Puddles lined the road, and tall trees were losing their leaves in a battle of gravity. The earth was all oranges and greys.

It was heavenly.

I walked to the corner, turning right at the big tree, before making my way up Colgate Avenue. The University of Washington shaped itself against the horizon. I glanced at my watch; reading 9.55. Shit. At this rate, the lecturer was going to know my name better than the keen kids in the lecture. God, how I hated those keen kids.

New Year's Resolution: start setting alarms.

I walked across the Eastern Oval, found building B110 and burst through the door.

10.11.

Not totally terrible.

I trudged up the aisle and found a seat near the edge. The girl next to me began whispering something about eating a tuna sandwich, and I recollected my bag, textbook and promptly changed seats.

Fish is disgusting.

Making my way further towards the back of the lecture theatre, I finally slid into a spare seat. Satisfied, I pulled out my notebook and a black pen and began to tune in to the lecturers gravelled voice. Dr Anderson was droning on about some form of particle and some form of reactant, and kept glancing expectantly into the crowd, probing for answers.

A deafening silence greeted these questions, but as I saw a hand rise, it became apparent that Keen Kid Number 1 had claimed his spot in the Keen Kid Club of 2013. I promptly pushed KKN1 to that top of my things-I-really-hate-to-deal-with-in-a-chem-lecture as he began giving an in depth explanation of what the lecturer had just said, with added comments that could have only been gathered from additional research.

I sighed. God, I needed a coffee.

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><p><strong>EDWARD POV<strong>

Sitting in the middle of my chem lecture, I craned my neck to see her.

Brown hair bouncing freely across her back as she looked for another seat:

She was beautiful.

Fuck Jessica for trying to chat about tuna sandwiches as if it was a normal conversational topic.

As a second year med student, I'd chosen chem to be a relatively easy elective. Unfortunately for me, it wasn't relatively interesting, and Jessica had latched onto me like a freaking periwinkle, but it gave me the credit I needed and gave me a subject that wasn't as intense as medicinal physics.

I turned towards the front because I'm pretty sure the guy behind me thought I was checking him out, and began to write down what Dr. Anderson was dictating about radioactive particles.

I'd recently moved into my own apartment only minutes from the University, situated above my favourite bar: The Froggy Bottom Pub. The bar owner, Emmett, lived in the other upstairs unit across the hall. Despite his brawly and huge figure, he was a genuinely nice guy who I clicked with fairly well. Jasper, my other best friend, still enjoyed the noise and girls he got on campus and was living in Fulbright Hall. I'd introduced the two a few times and they'd seemed to like each other, which was surprising considering Emmett's tough, front-row exterior and Jasper's somewhat feminine understanding of music and the soul (Jasper was majoring in arts/ music and basically lived off money from gigs in order to support himself through uni).

The silence that radiated throughout the lecture hall once again brought to my attention that no one in this class was going to answer Dr Anderson's questions.

I cringed as I raised my hand and rattled off something that sounded similar to what he had just been chatting about, before slouching in my seat. Dr Anderson smiled encouragingly, as if he hoped I'd have more to say, but I'd already answered 3 questions this morning and I didn't want to make this a regular thing. I turned my attention back to the lecture notes I'd printed off and scrawled something on the side about particles.

Jessica leaned over, and I was greeted with a massive amount of perfume that would actually shrink an erection if she ever managed to give me one.

'Eddie, I don't get it.' I looked over and saw her pouting and pushing her breasts together at the same time. In fact, she almost looked like the fish she had been talking about eating minutes before.

Fish was disgusting.

So was the nickname Eddie.

'Ah, well, just… I'll explain it at the end of the lecture?' I questioned, hoping her social agenda would possibly stop me from having to go through this embarrassing debacle.

'That would be fantastic! Maybe we can go to the Coffee House?'

How on earth did my feeble attempts to reject Jessica just turn into an almost-date?

I tried to smile, though I'm pretty sure it came out as some sort of pathetic whimpering. Sort of like a mouse almost about to be eaten by a lion; an appropriate image of how I felt in regards to Jessica's advances.

The lecture ended more quickly than I'd hoped, and Jessica thrust out her arm, invaded my personal space and yanked me in the direction of the Coffee House. In her efforts to be annoying, she'd also made me push over a girl making her way out the front doors, and hadn't even given me a second to see a) who it was, or b) if they were physically damaged as a result. I swivelled my head to try and see through the crowd, but instead saw a sea of faces walking in the direction I was currently being hauled in.

I sighed and allowed myself to be pulled through the crowd by Jessica's clingy and grabby hands.

Fuck my life.

As we rounded the corner into the Coffee House, I began to wish that the brunette was the one clinging at my wrists instead. Or anywhere else. Either way, I was sure it would've been a clinging that I wouldn't have minded.

Jessica swiftly re-demanded my attention by practically pushing me into a chair near the window, and rearranging herself on my lap.

'Eddie, what coffee would you like to order?'

The girl was practically raping me as if it was a socially acceptable custom in modern day society.

I muttered something along the lines of 'espresso, black', and in an effort to stop her from squashing my legs, propelled her upwards.

Unfortunately, In my eagerness to save my dignity, I may have propelled her slightly too far.

Jessica tumbled to the side and flew into a girl that had just previously received a scalding hot coffee from the counter.

'HOLY FUCK' the girl cursed.

I couldn't see her, but as I peeked over Jessica's shoulder I let out a few expletives myself.

The brunette from class was sprawled across the floor with some form of coffee coating her previously white shirt. She had the biggest brown eyes I had ever seen, and they were currently glaring daggers in my general direction. Her nose rose to a delicate point, while her lips looked like something from an x-rated nursery rhyme: with a sharp upper lip and a deliciously full bottom one. A black bra peeked through from underneath the now stained shirt, and I had to remind myself that this was clearly not the right train of thought for my brain to be going on right now.

I stepped around Jessica and grabbed some napkins, bending down to try and clean the mess, before offering brown eyes a hand. She huffed furiously and pushed it away, muttering something along the lines of 'As if I need any more of your "help"' before she picked herself up off the floor.

I handed over a napkin and tried to turn on what little charm I had left in me.

Instead, I accidently grazed her breast.

And now I looked like a seedy _and_ horny motherfucker.

'Let me buy you another coffee,' I apologised, hoping she'd smile and possibly accept a marriage proposal.

'I don't think your 'girlfriend' would like that very much,' she grumbled, rolling her brown eyes as if relationships disgusted her, and gesturing towards Jessica-who had happily arranged herself in a suggestive pose at our previous table.

'She's not my… girlfriend' I began to utter, but she had already stalked off to the bathroom.

I clucked my tongue in annoyance. Jessica, I decided, was clearly the problem with everything that had gone wrong this morning. I walked up to the counter, and asked them to remake whatever the brunette had ordered- which turned out to be a caramel mocha. I left the change, scrawled a quick 'sorry' on the environmental cup, and muttered goodbye to Jessica who was still eagerly awaiting my return at her window-seat table.

I shrugged into my jacket as the autumn air hit my face, and turned left to go towards the library.

I wanted brown eyes.

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><p><strong>Feedback is loved.<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I only own Keen Kid Number 1.**

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><p><strong>BELLA<strong>

I glanced at my reflection for the fifteen-millionth time in the bathroom of the Coffee House, and sighed.

The shirt was ruined.

Brown stains swirled around my left breast, while my right was splotchy splatters of the chocolate sprinkles that I had been busy putting on top of my mocha before Fish Girl slammed into me.

What was worse, my right arm had a pretty little burn appearing at the bottom of my sleeve where the material hadn't covered my skin.

Worst. Day. Ever.

First, fish girl.

Then, Dumb-Bitch-Number-1 had knocked me over in hallway on my way out of the lecture, sending both me and my books flying, and leaving me to be trodden on by my eager fellow-lecturers.

Enter in Keen-Kid-Number-1 and Fish Girl, together: too absorbed in their own little love-making agenda that they failed to see me walking with what was supposed to be a delicious coffee.

Fuck my life.

The only thing that was perhaps even worse, was when KKN1 tried to apologise by rubbing a napkin across my shirt.

How. Mortifying.

I rifled through my bag for something else that was wearable; only discovering the tiniest of jackets that would not only expose most of my stomach, but also had a broken zipper.

_I want to die. _

I peeked through the bathroom door before re-entering the Coffee House and making my way towards the door.

'Order for Bella!'Girl-with-the-lip-ring-and-black-and-blue-hair called from behind the counter.

I sighed for the umpteenth time. Now I was being given an order that I hadn't actually ordered at all. I swivelled to make my way to the counter to correct the girl.

'Uh, I'm sorry, but I already ordered mine, and am now wearing most of it.' I gestured to my shirt.

Girl-with-the-lip-ring ignored me, holding out the coffee. 'A guy paid for it. Bronze hair?' She smiled. I couldn't decide whether it was menacing of comforting.

Bronze hair.

Keen Kid Number 1 had bought my coffee.

Shit. Now I had the sympathy vote.

Why couldn't these keen kids just leave me alone?

I grabbed the coffee, stalked out and prayed to god that I wouldn't reek of coffee for the rest of the day.

My phone buzzed, and I glanced at the picture on the screen: Alice.

'"BELLLLLLLLA" she chirped, clearly in a better mood than she had been this morning.

'I am covered in coffee.' No point beating around the bush here.

'Whhaaaatttt?' she squealed. 'Wait. Nevermind. I'll get to that later. 'VEMETTHEMANI'.'

Alice was amazing at two things:

The first: exaggerating.

The second: communicating really, really long sentences without so much as a second to breathe.

Somehow, the above sentence appeared to combine both of these qualities.

'Try again.'

'Basically, Bella, I've sort of met this guy. And he's playing a gig tonight, at the Froggy Bottom Pub? You know the one. We went there a few weeks ago, with the delicious chicken and mayonnaise sandwiches? Anyway, so he's positively adorable but I don't want to seem too eager so I'm going to stalk him out tonight at his gig.'

There was _so_ much wrong with that sentence.

'So, let me get this straight. You want me to help you stalk out a guy that you _don't_ want to appear too eager for?'

'That makes it sound confusing.'

'It makes _no_ sense.'

'Just cooooommmmeeeee. Bella, I need you there for my emotional and physical well-being. It starts at 7.30. Be home. And take your shirt off, right now. You must reek of coffee. I saw the jacket you put in your bag this morning. Wear it.'

'It barely covers my stomach' I tried to argue.

'Take the shirt off, Bella, or I will come in and personally remove it for you.'

She hung up, the bitch.

Despite Alice being the smallest person I'd ever met, she was also easily the scariest.

She also never made idle threats, and I knew that she would find out one way or another.

This didn't leave me much choice. _Goddamn that pixie._

I stalked back into the Coffee House bathroom and threw the stained shirt off, replacing it with the barely-there, broken jacket.

Now I looked like a prostitute. Fantastic.

I re-exited the Coffee House for what I hoped would be the final time today, crunching some leaves under my feet as I made my way towards the library.

The autumn wind pulled at the arms of my jacket, revealing my pathetic chest and black bra to any and all occupants of the university quad.

This was so fucking embarrassing.

I regathered the sides of my jacket and held them tightly together in the middle and quickly made my way towards the library, hoping that perhaps I could get some form of study done before my next class in an hour's time.

I pushed open the doors of the library to be greeted with warmth and the smell of old books. I loved this place. I found myself a table in the corner, gathered a few books, and tried to position myself in a way that would reveal as little skin as possible. Which was ridiculously difficult.

I began highlighting the key points of my textbook, with my 'jacket' sliding open every few seconds. I had now successfully shown more of my flesh to the entire library than I had in the past year to anyone.

Movement on my right signalled a bunch of jocks passing through on their way out to training: all making no attempts to hide their fascination with my current choice of clothing. I flipped them the bird.

I heard someone snigger and followed the sound to see a glorious mess of bronze hair. KKN1 was sitting less than 10 metres, raking his hands through a wayward portion of hair and intently studying a book. I narrowed my eyes, recognising the smirk playing on his lips. He was clearly enjoying my discomfort.

It was then that I noticed how sexy he was. It was like Zeus, or Adonis, had been reborn in modern day male form. He threw me a smile that demonstrated that he was well aware of this. A smile that would've had females dropping their panties for miles around.

_Fucking panty-dropping smile. _

I internally raged. Since when was the enemy meant to be good looking?

He slid further into his seat, without a care in the world, and I realised that he was probably one of the few males that came out of the birth canal, glanced at his reflection in the nearest mirror, and gave the world a high-five.

And he was still smirking at me.

I gathered what little dignity I had left, pulled my jacket tighter, stood, and walked across the stretch between our tables.

'_You!'_ I poked his chest. 'You think this is funny? This is your fucking fault. I am _freezing_, and embarrassingly half naked and _you_ destroyed my only white shirt.'

He had the grace to look sorry.

'I'm….' he started.

'I don't _care_ what you are. I don't care who you are. But how DARE you sit there and snigger at my discomfort when it was YOU _***poke***_ who _***poke***_ caused _***poke***_ it!'

I strutted back over to my table and shoved my earphones in, glaring in his general direction and feeling slightly satisfied with myself.

His face displayed a mix of shock and amusement, and he held my gaze for far longer than a normal, sorry gentleman should.

I huffed and averted my eyes, but still caught him chuckling attractively in my peripherals.

Attractively?

God, I needed to get laid.

I threw open my notebook and wrote down some gibberish about biology that I hoped I would understand later on, stabbing the pen with aimless purpose at the page.

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><p><strong>EDWARD<strong>

She was struggling. While her long brown hair hid a lot of her chest, her pathetic jacket was still giving the entire library a delicious view of all her soft curves.

_Which meant that I was struggling as well. _

My pants somehow managed to tighten even further as I saw her angrily stabbing at her page with a black pen.

Despite the confronting encounter, I couldn't feel even slightly embarrassed for what she was going through. If I got to see this much of her every day, then I would gladly offer my lap to Jessica, and propel her whenever Brown Eyes was around something potentially messy.

_There is clearly something wrong with me. _

She was adorable when she was angry. While I was sure her continuous poking had done nothing to damage me physically or emotionally, it certainly seemed to satisfy her. The fact that she'd even called me on my perverted watching had been a surprise, since most people only approached me out of respect or to suck up.

As the quarterback of the football team, I was glorified as a uni hero. And while I loved the sport, the endless stream of fake and plastic cheerleaders was getting old.

This made Brown Eyes even more enticing.

Unfortunately for me, however, I'd made a royal jackass out of myself today. Which meant if I wanted her to reconsider me as anything of substance, I would have to figure out how to successfully 'woo' her, or something to that extent. And fast. I continued absentmindedly rifling through my notes, occasionally glancing at Brown Eyes from across the floor. She appeared to be eagerly carving something of importance into her page.

She glimpsed up briefly, scowled at me, and went back to angrily writing, gnawing on her bottom lip.

It was sexy.

And once again I found myself in my original situation: tight pants.

I slithered further under the table to ensure that my situation wasn't visible to anyone else casually strolling through.

Like Emmett.

_Emmett?_

What the hell was he doing at the university, in the_ library_?

'Eddie! Looking good princess' he sidled up to me. 'What's up sweetie?'

I scowled, and went to stand up, before remembering my current problem, and settling for a high five. God, it was like we were teenagers.

'What are you doing in the library?' I asked.

'The real question is what have _you_ been doing, or not doing?' He gestured to my pants, grinning without shame.

Nothing escaped that boy.

'Shut the fuck up.' I glared, not before glancing in Brown Eyes direction.

Em followed my line of sight, shamelessly looking Brown Eyes up and down, before letting out a low whistle.

'Edward, my man! I see you've crawled out of your heterosexual shell and spotted something finally doable! Congrats princess! I was worried there for a while, dude. I know I have a tempting physique and all, but the way you stared at me whenever you were down at the bar… it was like you were un-wrapping me with your eyes.'

I punched him in the arm.

He laughed. 'I can't blame you, bro. Most people want a piece of this' he gestured to his torso, before bending down and fake whispering '…most people want a piece of Em junior too.'

I snorted.

'You are so full of yourself.'

'At least I'm not the one struggling like a thirteen year old.'

'I never struggled as a thirteen year old.'

'That's because you were too busy wearing pink and flirting with the camera, sugar'.

Fuck.

Back story: I'd done a few modelling shoots as a teenager. I was really lanky for my age, and apparently held model appeal. Emmett had discovered this when mother dearest, Esme, blurted it out on a recent visit to Washington. Since then, I'd been given every degrading female nickname Emmett could roll off his tongue.

I sneered.

'Look, Edwina, while it's a shock to me that you actually do have any testosterone in the body of yours, I'm not one to judge. And she's good looking. Go talk to her. It can't be that hard; she looks easy.'

'Em, you _fucking_ retard. _I'm_ the reason she is dressed like that' I growled.

Emmett took a moment to gawk at my confession. Then, with an expression of awe, he raised his hand and gave me a congratulatory slap on the back.

'Enid! You sly son of a bitch! I had no idea you had it in you. I can't believe you didn't let her keep the top! She looks freezing. What did you do? Rip it off her?'

I gave him a curious glance. What the hell was he talking about?

'Don't have to be gallant, darling, spill the details.'

And then it dawned on me.

'Fuck you. I have not _done_ anything to her. I mean I have, but….'

Emmett wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

'…not in the way you mean. She's half naked because I spilled coffee across her shirt this morning.'

Emmett was once again gripped by a moment of silence, before roaring his head back in laughter.

I huffed and slid further down in my seat.

'Good luck, you hot piece of ass!' he guffawed, 'I'm sure you're her favourite male right now. Good luck seeing her in anything less than what she's currently wearing'. He glimpsed across at her one more time, before giving me a cheeky wink and sauntering down towards the stacks.

He was impossible.

I chanced one more glimpse in her direction, to find her texting on her phone, and giggling. I was hit with a small wave of jealousy that made me realise I knew nothing about her: not what made her smile, not what she liked to eat, her favourite colour, she may even have a boyfriend.

I was also hit with the oh-so familiar wave of _I-would-like-to-do-her-on-that-desk-and-preferably-now_ along with another familiar problem in my pants. Which made my life awkward, considering I had to be at another lecture in approximately 3 minutes.

_Dead Grandma Marie._

_Yellow Smiley emoticons._

_Eating Fish._

_Jessica._

Problem gone.

I began collecting my books to go to my next class, walking past her before reaching the entrance of the library. Not before catching her scent of… _chocolate and mint_.

God, I _really_ wanted Brown Eyes.

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><p><strong>First Story, second chapter. I'm fairly new to this, so any thoughts are loved.<strong>

**Feedback is delicious. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. **

****A/N: I've been asked about Emmett's sexuality, so I hope this chapter clears it up for you all. Enjoy!**  
><strong>

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><p><strong>BELLA<strong>

The old pub smelled of chicken; a bizarre smell for a pub.

I pushed through the heavy doors and squeaked my shoes against the wooden floor. Alice flurried past me, keenly observing her surroundings, spotting what appeared to be an available table close to the stage, and scooting in; beckoning me to come.

Rose, who was clearly unhappy at being forced to leave the house, shuffled behind me.

'Why is it necessary for both of us to come along to meet prince charming?' she huffed. 'I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm totally happy for her, but I don't know why we need to be here. I thought she was trying to be subtle. She's bouncing around like a pogo stick. No-one could miss her even if they tried.'

She was right. Alice was eagerly bouncing around at her designated booth, smiling over at us and pouting when she saw our half-effort smiles.

'Let's just try to get through this as inconspicuously as possible.' I muttered. While the pub had the greatest chicken and mayonnaise sandwiches I've ever tasted, I wasn't in the mood for scouting out boys. Which was worrying, considering my current dry spell. Maybe I was a lesbian.

_I needed a beer._

I slid down across from Alice and picked up a menu with no intention of reading it. A petite redhead sidled up to our table, and we ordered. Well, I ordered. Rose had already left for the bar and Alice hadn't removed her eyes from the currently empty stage. I gave an awkward smile to the waitress and ordered 3 chicken mayonnaise toasted sandwiches for all of us.

I clicked my fingers in front of Alice's face as the waitress walked away.

'Alice! Subtle doesn't involve staring longingly at the stage before he's even up there.'

She sighed and glanced at me, 'Oh Bella. You can't even comprehend. I'm in love.'

'Slow down there, Junior', I cautioned. 'Haven't you met this guy once?'

Alice just continued sighing.

'I have no idea how you plan on maintaining subtlety.' I mumbled. Love-struck pixie just glared at me and dismissed my sceptical glance.

While I wasn't against a little bit of romance, I wasn't a romantic like Alice. She was the sort of girl who had their wedding planned since she was seven. In fact, the only thing that had changed was who she planned to nominate as bridesmaids. The love for planning had only been exaggerated with Alice studying event management. Any event, or night out, or party we attended: Alice was there rearranging the design, menu, decorations and seating arrangements until she could deem it perfect.

It was horrific.

I slid out from the booth, concentrating on finding the bathroom before the set started. I walked past the bar to the ladies room. Rose was bent across the counter whispering something in the ear of a cute-looking brawly guy with curly brown hair.

That girl literally couldn't keep her vagina inside pants for more than ten minutes.

This father complex needed to stop.

I raised an eyebrow as I passed her.

She stuck her tongue out in retaliation, like the mature person she was.

I found the bathroom hidden in a corner, and glanced at myself in the mirror. For once, my brown hair had tamed, but the small burn on my arm was becoming increasingly apparent. And ugly.

On my way back to the booth, I walked back past Rose, suspicious to the fact she was still sitting at the bar and not kneeling behind it.

Bar-guy was seemingly providing her with a friendly banter, a beer, but not much else.

I liked this immediately.

Alice had disappeared from our booth, so I went and sat by myself; showing the world just how popular I was.

Slinky-waitress returned with our delicious toasted sandwiches: with only me there to appreciate them.

Now I looked like a lonely loser who was there to eat my feelings.

Fan-bloody-tastic.

Rolling my eyes, I glanced over to see that guitar-boy was setting up his instruments on stage. And Alice perched on the edge.

God, that girl needed to re-learn the meaning of the word 'subtlety'.

I glared at her over my shoulder.

I make the effort to come out, support her, drag Rose along, and end up eating THREE SANDWICHES by myself.

'Got an appetite?'

Brawly-bartender was standing above me with an amused grin on his face.

'Emmett'; he introduced himself.

'Bella.'

'So Bella, look, your friend is extra hot and all, but she tried to jump me at the bar. And while I'm all for it, she sort of hit her head on one of the beer dispenser and knocked herself out.'

I looked up from my meal, not particularly concerned, and continued munching.

'Is she hurt?'

'Well, I don't think so. Just unconscious.'

'Serves her right for being a slut.' I mumbled.

Emmett grinned. 'Coming from the girl who wears a paper-thin jacket to university….'

I inhaled quickly. '_Fuck_. You saw that?'

He nodded happily.

'Just to be clear, some dickhead destroyed my shirt with coffee. I didn't have much other choice. The shirt was wet, and smelled horrific. I tried to make it as decent as I could.'

Emmett wiggled his eyebrows. 'Which I imagine would be difficult to do with that scrap of material.'

I glared.

Emmett left out a guffaw. 'You come here often, Bella?'

'A few times,' I responded, 'Mainly with that one sitting over there swooning at tonight's entertainment' I swivelled, pointing at Alice. 'You have good sandwiches.'

'I gathered, considering you've ordered three.'

I glared, causing him to burst into another round of infectious laughter.

'I like you, Bella, come get a beer off me later. And what would you like to do with dear Blondie under the bar?'

'Leave her there?' I suggested, almost hopefully.

I swallowed some lettuce, while he picked up half of my sandwich and bit into it, smiling.

I glared again.

'Do you have a bed or anything upstairs?'

'Sure' he grinned, speaking between mouthfuls of chicken. 'You want me to put her up there?'

'I'll help.' I sighed, pushing my toasted sandwich to the side and standing up. While Emmett seemed like a friendly enough guy, I wasn't about to give him an unconscious Rose and let him take her up to his apartment. I wasn't sure if I was trying to protect him from Rose, or Rose from him, but it seemed like the morally upright thing to do.

God, I was_ such_ a good person.

I followed Emmett's overwhelmingly large figure and peeked over the bar.

Sure enough, Miss Rosalie Hale of California was sprawled across the floor like the classy lady we knew she was.

He hitched her up over his muscled shoulder, and gestured for me to follow him around the side of the bar, through a door that was clearly marked with a 'NO ENTRY' sign, and up a carpeted, creaky staircase.

I started to think this may have been the perfect place to invite victims for sexual abuse, but as Emmett unlocked one of the two doors at the top of the stairs, it became apparent that this was the home of a boy-who-never-quite-matured, not a serial rapist.

I took in the poorly put-together apartment: large olive green sofa, a plasma screen TV, a selection of playboy magazines scattered across the coffee table, a cluttered kitchen, and an empty packet of chips next to the sofa.

I had entered the haven of the heterosexual bachelor.

I walked down the hallway, which held a picture of Emmett with what appeared to be his mother and father, and a homemade card from a little girl called Lily.

I got the end of the hallway and entered the bedroom, where Rose was still passed out stone cold on Emmett's bed, which was appropriately unmade. The room smelled like male, as if he'd peed on the bookcase and bedside table to claim it as his. Emmett was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking down at Rose with an expression of fascination.

Which was no surprise. You could see more skin than you could clothes on that girl.

I cleared my throat.

Emmett didn't even have the audacity to look bashful. Instead, he grinned up at me, once again amused, before speaking.

'Look, Bella. While we both know I'd love to stay here watching sleeping beauty all night, I've got a bar to run. If you want to stay with her, that's fine, but if not, feel free to come up here whenever you want to check on her. I'll leave the door open. The only other person with access to this area is Eddie, across the hall, and I'm almost sure he's gay.'

I chuckled, and decided that since she clearly wasn't going anywhere, I might as well go down and finish that sandwich of mine.

I headed towards Emmett's front door, with Emmett trailing behind me.

'Thanks for doing this, I guess. I know she can be overbearing and forward, but Rose is lovely. I promise.'

Emmett chuckled, not concerned in the slightest. 'Look, Bella. It's not every day a girl tried to pants me by jumping the bar. Believe me, the pleasure was almost all mine.' He gave me a sly smile, opening his door for me and allowing me to step out in the hall.

Right into a solid wall of chest.

I looked up to glance at the object in my way, and almost growled.

_Shit._

* * *

><p><strong>EDWARD<strong>

I looked down at Brown Eyes, and then back at Emmett, who was watching me with an amused grin.

_What a dick._

'Emmett', I growled, 'Of all the fucking girls to bring home…..' I let my sentence fade and ran my hand through my hair irritably.

Of course he thought it was ok to bring home the girl he'd seen me eyeing off in the library.

'Look Edna, don't get those pretty pink knickers of yours in a knot. This is Bella. Her friend blondie passed out after she hit her head on a beer dispenser whilst trying to jump me at the bar.'

I wasn't sure what was worse: the fact that Emmett had just insinuated that I was a female in front of Brown Eyes, or that he'd openly called her friend a slut.

On the upside, I'd found a name for Brown Eyes.

_Bella._

_Internal jubilee and high-five extravaganza._

Bella didn't seem at all worried about her friends sluttiness, but was cautiously watching me before turning to Emmett.

'You're right. He really does seem gay, doesn't he?'

She smiled, and skipped down the stairs, apparently satisfied with herself.

I whipped back around, facing Emmett. 'You told her I was _gay_?' I almost choked.

'Sorry Eleanor, I may have let it slip in my bedroom.'

'In your _bedroom?_'My voice was beginning to sound like that of a pre-pubescent male.

He grinned, all-knowingly. 'I'm going to give you a moment to regain any testosterone pride that you possess, Eliza, and go downstairs to keep the bar going. But just so you know, she seems like a nice enough girl, and you are clearly not her favourite person right now. Give it a rest, and see what happens. In the meantime, I'll go down and give her that free beer I promised her.'

He winked, knowing it would only piss me off more, and trotted down the stairs.

I glared at his retreating form.

_Of course_ Emmett would meet the one girl I had any interest in.

And _of course_ he'd managed to strike up some form of kinship with her _without_ ruining any of her shirts, and _without_ causing her to poke him in the chest fifty times.

I was in so much shit.

I trudged back into my apartment and shut the door.

Right now, Brown Eyes was dining downstairs, probably listening to Jasper as he started his set. And here I was feeling sorry for myself and wishing her friend had tried to jump me simply so I could have a legitimate reason to start a conversation with her.

With the realisation of how pathetic I was, I stood up and made my way to the bedroom, switching off the radio that was playing in the corner and finding a dressier shirt to put over my current black MUSE top. With one glance in the mirror, I found my connies, shoved them on my feet and shut my apartment door, climbing down the stairs that Brown Eyes had occupied minutes earlier.

I pushed through the door, and walked round behind the bar, to see Emmett chatting with Bella and sipping a beer.

I gritted my teeth, grabbed a glass, and poured a beer of my own.

And then skulled it.

I could hear Jasper crooning around the corner, playing something that may or may not have been original. I couldn't tell.

I poured myself another, and gradually made my way up to the other end of the bar, where Bella and Emmett were situated, laughing.

Bella's eyes darkened immediately at my presence.

Shit.

Emmett turned to see me coming, before giving me a smile that was much too cheeky for my liking.

'You got changed to come down to the bar Elisa? You really are gay.'

_Sweet lord. _

Bella stifled a giggle.

This was possibly going to be the longest night of my entire life.

'Bella here was just drawing my attention to our friends getting friendly over on stage. I've never seen Jasper look so pathetically female.'

I glanced across at the stage. Sure enough, a petite girl with a pixie haircut was bouncing up and down in her seat excitedly while Jasper stared at her with such intensity that it was as if he was reaching into his soul and channelling any inner oestrogen he could find.

It was almost awkward.

Other couples were scattered throughout the bar, clapping at the end of each song. But it appeared that even they were uncomfortable with the eye-fucking going on in the front row.

I turned back to face Emmett, who was grinning over at Bella in their own sort of private joke. I found his leg under the bar, and kicked him in the shin.

'What the…. _Ellen_. You need to chill out man. I'm going to go collect some glasses, but Elspeth, you really need to calm down.' He fake whispered in my direction. 'Bella, I apologise for leaving you in the presence of this _female_' he gestured to me 'when he is clearly on his period.'

With that, he smirked and sauntered away.

I couldn't even muster the energy to roll my eyes when my dignity and manhood had just been so blatantly assaulted.

I grinned at Brown Eyes, trying to portray that I wasn't even remotely bothered by the fact that Emmett had just said I was a female.

She went to get off the stool.

I grabbed the opportunity. 'You come here often?' I smiled.

She looked up at me, as if she was confused that I was still there, and mumbled a '_sometimes_', before going to get off the stool again.

I turned on panic mode.

'Look,' I pleaded, sounding like the desperate fifteen year old female Emmett had portrayed me to be. 'I know we got off on the wrong foot. I know I made your day miserable, and I know I came across like a complete arsewipe. How about I make it up to you by taking you out to coffee something?' I chuckled nervously and smiled at her in a way I hoped was inviting.

She raised her eyebrows.

'What did Emmett say your name was?' she questioned.

'He didn't. I'm Edward.' I held out my hand, praying she would grab onto it and possibly run it along her body.

She looked at it.

'Look, Edward, I'm sure you're a nice guy, and I'm sure girls generally throw themselves at you like there's no tomorrow. But I'm not into cheating, and I don't think Blondie would appreciate you hitting on another girl.'

I stood there, opened mouthed, as Brown Eyes stood up and trotted away.

For the second time that day, Brown Eyes had thrown me for a loop and I'd come off second-best.

_Blondie?_

_Jessica._

_Fuck._

That girl had the amazing ability to not only shrink erections, but to cock block equally as effectively.

I put my head against the cold brick wall and slammed my fist into the counter. How is it that I'd made myself look like a cheating jackass when all I wanted was some coffee?

Emmett came up behind me, holding some dirty glasses and putting them into trays, before slotting them into the dishwasher.

He gave me a low whistle, watching Bella slide back into her seat.

'Back off.' I growled.

'Calm down, Emily, I'm not hitting on hot ass over there. In fact, I've got another piece of hot ass waiting for me upstairs. But you really need to chill out. You know I wouldn't cut your grass, Elle, and you sure as hell know that I don't do brunettes.'

I released a sigh, feeling increasingly frustrated at myself for attempting to pin this situation on Emmett.

'She thinks I'm a dick.' I stated.

Emmett chuckled. 'Yeah, she really does. You have _not_ had a good run with her, have you?'

'She basically insinuated that she wasn't going to throw herself at me because I'm a cheating bastard.'

Emmett raised an eyebrow. 'You're _cheating_?'

'No, you dickwad. She obviously thinks I'm with that blonde girl that comes in here sometimes and follows me around.'

Emmett recoiled. '_Her_? Jesus, Eloise, you could do _so_ much better.'

'I'm _not_ fucking dating her.' I punched him in the arm.

'Then why haven't you told that to her?' He gestured in Bella's direction. 'And why haven't you just apologised? No offense dude, but for such a female you seem to know nothing of the gender.' He slapped me on the bottom, grinned and walked away to get more glasses.

I sighed, glancing over at Bella, who was looking over at the pixie and rolling her eyes. She turned back to her sandwich, before looking up at the bar, seeing me, and scowling.

I internally punched myself. I longed for any other expression to fill that face when she saw me.

Instead, I gathered all my pride and walked away. If she didn't want me, well, others girls did. Like the redhead waitress Emmett employed. I looked over and smiled at her. She was cute-ish, and had a nice arse. She walked back over to the bar to drop some drinks off, watching me as I very deliberately ran my eyes over her petite body.

She giggled, and turned away to continue working.

It was nice to know that I hadn't lost my touch all together.

I began a light banter with her as she picked up and dropped things off at the bar.

Every now and then, I'd glance back over at Brown Eyes, who was eyeing the situation with scorn and contempt.

I felt my mood lighten immediately.

It was time Brown Eyes was pulled into the chase.

The chase where Edward Cullen was King.

* * *

><p><strong>Comments are loved and incredibly helpful.<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

* * *

><p><strong>BELLA<strong>

Rosalie puffed small breaths that fluffed her golden hair around her face as I tucked her into bed. While she was usually capable of doing this herself, tonight had been a pretty big night for her; the horridly blue-ish bruise forming on the side of her head testified to it.

She was going to rage-quit life when she woke and saw _that_ greeting her in the mirror.

_Served her right for jumping boys behind the bar._

Emmett had been the perfect gentlemen; helping me get her to the car and casually joking with me as I said goodbye. For someone who I had just met, I liked him immensely. Despite his egotistical exterior, he was kind-hearted, had a light sense of humour and was fun to be around.

He was good looking, too- just not in my sort of way. Dark, curly hair, broad shoulders, muscular: no wonder Rose had headed straight for the bar.

I had no idea where Alice had gone, but I was assuming it was somewhere with that crooning and mellow jazz boy: still yet to be introduced and named. For someone so chatty, Alice was pathetic with introductions.

As I turned off Rose's light, I realised I was happy that Alice had finally come across someone who captivated her attention and managed her so well at the same time. While she'd had several flings over the few years I'd known her, they'd always ended in disaster and Alice deserved to be happy. I had a good feeling about this smooth-talking crooner, and just hoped he'd be the guy she needed.

Unfortunately, my own love life, or lack thereof, became clearly apparent as I settled into my own bed alone. I'd never been the girl to search for a future partner, nor had I ever taken the slightest interest in marriage. In fact, I generally enjoyed being single. It was only in moments like these that I'd ever admit to myself that it would have been nice to have an interesting guy interested in me.

_Or even just a guy who wasn't interested in spilling coffee all over me._

God, today had been horrific.

And Edwina, or whatever other name Emmett had called him, just didn't seem to get the hint.

What was worse, dickwad had a girlfriend.

Blondie, busty, and positively infuriatingly stupid. Plus, she liked fish.

_Gah. _

_Fish._

And then he'd started flirting with barely-there-red-hair-waitress-girl. Not that she wasn't good looking; she was adorable. Incredible, even. But that didn't make it ok to cheat on blonde-chem-girl. Even if she did eat fish.

And the worst part was, I couldn't figure out why I was so annoyed about someone else's boyfriend being such a dick. Surely that shouldn't be something that had to play on my conscience.

I sighed as I pulled the duvet over my cold and frigid body.

_Tomorrow_, I promised myself. _Tomorrow would be a better day_.

* * *

><p><strong>EDWARD<strong>

A distinctive knock at my door announced Jasper's arrival. I flung the door open to see tousled hair, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes, and the tell-tale shit eating grin.

_Jasper got laid._

His matching strut confirmed it.

I smiled, happy that for once in his life, Jasper hadn't come off second best.

'Good night, last night Jaz?' I gestured for him to sit down, while I walked back to my kitchen counter and continued pouring a bowl of cocoa pops for myself, before adding milk and finding a spoon.

Jasper arranged himself on a chair, giving me only a noncommittal murmur as a response.

I plopped myself down on the couch and stared at my best friend, who was still happily gazing away at an old magazine I had left on the couch.

'Soooooo….' I prodded.

'You don't expect all the details, do you?' He smirked, drawling the sentence in his exaggerated Southern twang.

I nodded, which earned me a fist to the shoulder.

I ignored him, and continued. 'I want the who, what, where and how. Don't pretend like you're not eager to spill.' I shoved another mouthful of cocoa pops into my mouth and hummed.

'Gosh you're a vicarious slut sometimes, Edward.' Jasper laughed, glancing over at me. 'Her name is Alice, and we didn't have sex.'

I stopped eating and quirked an eyebrow.

'What?'

'God, Edward. Don't act like it's such a crime to keep the dick inside the pants.'

I snorted, and continued eating. 'I'm sorry,' I replied. 'I don't recall being the one who was found naked outside Juliet's apartment last semester when she wouldn't let you inside.'

He huffed at the mention of Juliet; the girl who had been on the recieving end of his endless pining for an entire six months before he realised she was a lesbian. Not that it really came as a surprise to the rest of us, but Jasper tended to be a little blind-sighted by girls who covered their walls in Fleetwood Mac posters, wore Rolling Stones shirts and owned the entire album collection of the Strokes.

I raised my hands in surrender. 'You know I'm only kidding, Romeo. Now tell me who the lucky lady is.'

He stole another glance over at me and chuckled. 'She's amazing, Ed, I can't even begin to describe her.'

'Pixie from last night?'

'I'm going to marry that girl.'

'And I'm going to marry Alf Stewart.' I retorted.

'No, really, Ed. She's going to be my wife someday.'

I gagged. 'What happened to 'My-favourite-girls-are-those-who-are-liberal-with-their-vagina's?'

'Suck my dick.'

'You'd like that, wouldn't you.'

'When was the last time anyone sucked yours, asshole?'

He had me there.

_This dry spell was a bitch. _

He snorted. 'You've been such a good boy lately I'm surprised that you haven't started attending church and signing hallelujah choruses.'

I rolled my eyes in his general direction.

'Maybe I'm just discerning in who I sleep with.'

He raised an eyebrow as if he'd never heard anything so ridiculous, and continued. 'Anyway, doucheward, the reason I'm here isn't to reaffirm your current bout of celibacy. Alice has invited us over to her house for dinner this weekend. I know how much you love lasagne, and she's got some cute housemates which I'm sure you can invite to Bible Study.'

'Fuck you.'

Jasper put his hands up in surrender. 'Whatever, Holy One. I'm just extending the offer. But this girl is lovely, and actually means something to me, so it'd be nice if you decided to show a tiny bit of support and a little less of your body… And don't even act like you're not remotely interested in meeting the housemates…. Unless of course you've taken a vow of abstinence in which case…'

'Fuck you.' I huffed.

'I'm just saying.' He laughed.

He'd made his point, though. The dry spell needed to be broken, and a housemate was a perfect distraction from Brown Eyes.

God, for a two-time encounter, she certainly wouldn't get out of my head. Or my dreams, for that matter. Last night had left me alone and sexually frustrated after Emmett caught me making eyes at red-head-bartender and ordered me upstairs, muttering something about needing to keep his employee's, not lose them to a one night stand. What was worse, my dreams had been plagued by a cute little body dressed in a small, thread-bare, revealing jacket. And in a true mirror of reality, dream girl was a tease.

God, I needed to stop thinking like that or I'd end up with the same large _problem_ I'd woken with this morning.

Jasper smirked at my lack of retaliation.

I finally conceded defeat. 'Fine, I'll come. But don't expect me to become besties with the housemates while you and pixie sneak off to her canopy bed upstairs, like last time.'

Jasper had the decency to look guilty. 'I won't.' He promised.

'And don't you dare pass out naked outside her front door.'

He sighed. 'God Edward it was _one_ time…'

'Aaaaand,' I added, grinning mercilessly. 'I know you two weren't just playing nice last night. Clearly you didn't just exchange words last night. I want the deets.'

He smiled and playfully punched me in the arm as he stood up, grabbing an apple from the fruitbowl and tossing it up in the air, just as a massive bulk of human barged through my open front door.

'I heard the word 'deets'. Dude,' he said looking at Jasper as he sagged into the other side of my couch. 'Spill.'

'Emmett, you ogre. Do you know how to actually use a doorhandle?'

'You ain't hearing nothing from me, Woodstock.' Jasper grinned and continued playing with the apple.

'I don't believe it then, Jazzy. As far as I'm concerned, you're still swooning over this sexy piece of meat. Which, by the way, you can't have.' Emmett gestured to his body, gyrating his hips into the couch like the ridiculously inappropriate animal he was.

Jazz threw the apple at Emmett's head, hitting with a thud.

'What the…' Emmett turned around and smirked at Jasper.

'I'm starting to believe nothing could have happened even if he'd wanted it to. The way he's acting, he's about as moody as a teenage girl.' Emmett stood up, helping himself to some biscuits in the fridge, shovelling them into his mouth and chewing loudly.

'God, you're a pig Emmett. Remind me again how you survived natural selection.'

Emmett grinned and returned to the couch. 'I'm the latest product of evolution, baby!' He exclaimed. 'You're just jealous that you're kind will be dying out soon.'

I stood up and slapped the top of his head. 'I struggle to believe that you're the latest product of evolution, when you eat like a fucking caveman.' I replied.

Emmett just snorted and turned on the football.

'You better learn to eat more politely if you intend to come to Alice's this weekend.' Jasper added.

'Alice?'

'The future mother of Jasper's children.' I replied.

'Ahhhhh… little pixie?' Emmett questioned.

'That's the one. Cute, isn't she?'

Emmett chose to ignore me, turning instead to face Jasper and smiling in delight. 'Jasper, my man! She's the one you did the dirty deed with!'

I chuckled.

Jasper rolled his eyes at us. 'You two are both as bad as each other. Does either one of you contain the mental capacity to have a respectable conversation?'

Emmett made his way back to the fridge, softly humming the melody of 'Get Low' by Little Jon and the EastSide Boyz.

'God, Em. No 'dirty deed' was done, you psychotic sex fiend.' Jasper continued, sighing exasperatedly. 'We met up, we hung out, and we talked a lot… the end.'

'Whatever, Cowboy, just because you're a prude and don't like spilling the goods doesn't mean the goods didn't happen.'

Jasper smirked knowingly in response, but remained silent- refusing to retaliate.

I sighed and took my seat at the foot of the couch and ran my hand through my hair. Alice's dinner was the perfect opportunity to scrutinise and evaluate Jasper's latest obsession, while her housemates would provide a fantastic distraction to my week of sexually-orientated angst. While it wasn't my place to decide what was best for Jasper, this 'relationship' or 'hook up' or whatever was out of character for him. He'd been hurt a lot in the past, and it took a lot for him to trust someone. I only hoped that this girl would be good for him.

And that her roommates could potentially be of benefit to me.

_God, when had I turned into such a bad person?_

I internally chastised my libido and sunk down into the couch, hoping that tomorrow night's lasagne and housemate-greeting would end in happiness for both me and my uncomfortably pent-up situation.

* * *

><p><strong>BELLA<strong>

I slung a string of inappropriate words together as the soft object hit me in the face again for the second time.

I rolled over and peeked through the covers to see a bout of spiky, black hair propped up next time, happily smiling down at me like she was the motherfucking queen.

'Morning!' Pixie chirped.

That girl needed to be exterminated.

I rolled back over and shut my eyes, only to feel a slight breath behind my ear.

'Beeellllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaa', she whined.

She was a merciless gremlin.

I pushed her head away with my hand.

She slapped my arm.

'Bella. It's eleven AM. Get the hell up, and help me in the kitchen. I need you to cook.'

'I didn't realise I was a slave.' I mumbled.

'Don't be immature. Jasper is coming for dinner, and we need to start cooking. Well, actually, I was hoping you wouldn't mind, but I've nominated you as head chef. The last incident I had with taco birthday cake wasn't exactly edible, and I need this to be comfortably digested.'

I cried internally at the endless torture of her high-pitched instructions. 'Why is it necessary to discuss _dinner _at _breakfast_ time?'

She tossed my sheets and duvet onto the floor.

_Oh, my cold and tender body!_

I wanted to strangle something.

Preferably Pixie's neck.

She grabbed my feet to pull me out of bed, but I'd already grabbed onto the headboard and was holding on for dear life.

After a minute of grunting and struggling, she gave up and stomped down the stairs, muttering insults as she retreated.

I tried to turn by body on 'snooze', but after 10 minutes of staring at the ceiling I realised I could no longer prolong getting out of bed. I hopped up; grumbling about how today was supposed to be a 'better day' and generally hating on miniscule people who enjoyed jumping on those in deep slumber.

I wandered downstairs mumbling the repetitive mantra of '_today will be a better day, today will be a better day' _to see Rose woefully rolling around of the couch watching some cheesy morning TV show, and Alice going manic in the kitchen with an egg.

'Morning, Rose.' I shuffled down next to her, taking in the big lump of blue that had formed on her head. 'You sure are looking pretty this morning.'

She glowered, and turned her attention back to the TV where a well-timed make-up advertisement promoting concealer had filled the screen. Rose groaned.

I began to hum the chorus of 'Blue' by Eiffel65, while standing up to get a bagel.

Rose threw a pillow at my head.

I sat at the counter, watching Alice look at a raw egg with odd fascination, before deciding to cut it with a knife. In an almost poetic fashion, the egg broke, spilt across the counter, and dripped onto her feet.

She huffed, before slouching against the counter and crying in outrage. 'My feet are yellow!'

I decided to step in. 'Alice, enlighten me. What exactly _are_ you trying to do?'

'I'm making lasagne.'

I took in the circular bowl currently filled with some grated cheese, a little bit of mince and half a tomato.

'Are you sure?'

She flounced down on a kitchen stool. 'I have _no idea_.' She wined. 'I have been trying _so hard_ and this is as far as I get. Jasper's coming for dinner and I told him we'd have lasagne but…It looks more like some form of minced cake.'

She was right. It looked hideous.

'AND MY FEET ARE YELLOW.'

I decided to sidetrack her from her soggy, yellow feet. 'Tell me more about Jasper.'

She flounced down upon the bench chair, her yokey feet suddenly forgotten. 'Oh Bella. He is amazing. A perfect gentleman, in fact, he even offered to go to the faculty's fashion party next week.'

I wasn't sure if this made him sadistic or naïve, but I decided to let it pass. Instead, I decided to grab hold of my inner martyr, and within the space of five minutes I'd taken control of the kitchen and the beginnings of a respectable lasagne was finally beginning to take shape.

Alice busied herself by cutting up the salad, and then decided it was better to retreat to her room once she's accidently butchered the lettuce beyond recognition.

I finished the lasagne, wrapping it up in cling-wrap before placing it in the fridge to cook later. Alice came and went, nodding and giving instructions as if she actually understood what I was doing, and I found myself also baking some chocolate brownies for dessert.

Once she was satisfied that I had reduced the risk of her dinner guests getting Salmonella, I was dismissed and made my way upstairs with some green tea, grabbing a romance novel that was lying on my floor and retreating to the balcony, submerging myself under the cushions and blankets in the chilled Autumn weather.

A quick glance in the old, mosaiced mirror reaffirmed that my appearance had gone from clean to floury in the space of a few hours, and my hands smelled like tomato and mince, but I decided I could shower later and instead turned on my ipod, opened my book and lost myself in the cliched romance of someone elses characters.

* * *

><p>The old, whining sound of the doorbell startled me to consciousness about an hour later; according to the rusting clock across from me on the balcony floor. As I glanced at myself in the window, it became very apparent that I'd decided to have a nap: my hair sprouting from six different directions, my face indented with the pattern of my selected cushion, and a very unattractive line of dribble that had dried on the side of my lip.<p>

It was times like this I wondered why I didn't have a boyfriend.

Confused about the doorbell, I peeked over the railing.

Unfortunately, the porch was out of view thanks to the wild, intrusive and untrimmed leaves of the vine. Sighing, I planked myself across the railing of the balcony like the unfortunate creeper I was.

Mellow-Jazz boy was standing on the porch, looking casual and the slightest bit delicious in jeans and a polo shirt.

I leaned over a little further, edging my head around the vine and noticed mellow-man was carrying some form of brown paper bag, perhaps containing alcohol. God, I hoped so- if I was going to get through tonight's insufferable_ coupleliness_, then I was going to need _a lot_ of booze.

_Said just like a classy lady._

Mellow-Jazz boy stood, tapping his foot impatiently, as if he hadn't seen the Pixie in days. He turned around and mumbled something, and I adjusted my line of sight just in time to hear a car door slam.

Loudly.

Really Loudly.

I startled at the sound and felt myself begin to lose my foothold.

Shit.

'No, no, no, no, no!' I mumbled, grabbing onto the vine for dear life. The only thing that could possibly be worse than being caught creeping, was to be caught face-down eating dirt on the front lawn.

I tried to grab onto the balcony railing, but I was already facing upside-down, and there was no way I could grab on well enough.

Instead, I settled for grabbing at the branches of the vine.

I reached out for what appeared to be a stronger branch, but was instead greeted with leaves in my hair, mouth and hands, before gravity decided to be an absolute bitch and tooss me through the vine, screaming and plummeting into the pit of lost dignity and endless mortification.

_Fuck my life. _

The freefall was short, and softened by my brief detour through the vine, but the impact was painful.

And every bone in my body felt it.

A soft 'fuck' flew from my lips, and I took a deep breath, counting to ten before chancing a peek out of the corner of my eye.

Mellow-Jazz boy was standing above me, assumedly trying to decipher if I was a) alive, and b) functioning properly. Which, considering my free-fall extravaganza, I clearly wasn't.

As I turned to my left, I was hit with a whole new wave of mortification.

Keen-kid-number-1 was back.

Aaaaand standing high and mighty like god himself, judging all those who hang off railings and stalk potential dinner guests.

I rolled my eyes, only hating myself more.

I shuffled over and spat out some leaves, in addition to half the lawn which I had eaten on impact, righting myself and wiping the dirt of my arse.

The future father of Alice's children politely extended a hand.

I glanced at him quizzically, assuming there was no way he intended to have polite introductions after that horrific performance. In fact, I couldn't even smile, because there was so much dirt and organic-y goodness in my mouth that it would have looked as though I farmed worms in between my front teeth. I saved him the trouble, and instead turned to open the front door.

'It's Bella. And you'll have to excuse me while I go and clean my teeth.'

_Good, Bella. Word vomit is definitely the right way to go._

I heard someone chuckle, and glanced over to see that KKN1 was still standing there, with a mixture of concern and amusement- but mainly amusement- covering his face.

I flipped him the bird and stalked inside.

It was going to be _the longest_ of long nights.

* * *

><p><strong>AN. It took me a while to put this one together. I've had a lot of ideas, but working some of them together is sometimes more difficult than planned. I was on struggle street for a lot of this chapter, so hopefully it's not too horrific. Please keep in mind I'm still new to this, and so feedback is always appreciated. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything.**

* * *

><p><strong>EDWARD POV<strong>

My eyes followed Brown Eyes retreating form as she huffed upstairs after her little free-falling display. The realisation that Brown Eyes was said roommate was both sweet and sour. While it gave me an opportunity to hopefully resurrect her current opinion of me, it also meant that I wasn't getting laid tonight. Which fucked up my original plans that had been made in consolation with Horny Edward, and included the likes of hardcore flirting, heavy petting, and casual sex in hot roommates bedroom.

I internally cursed as I realised that I was going to be spending a night with a girl who desperately wanted nothing to do with me- something she had made clear on possibly every encounter we had shared so far. How could I possibly stop thinking about her when she was the only female that I was regularly encountering?

_Fuck my life._

A small, petite girl appeared at the door, with inky black hair and a yellow dress. She threw her arms around Jasper before turning in my direction, and throwing her arms around me.

"Edward! I'm so glad you could make it. Jasper has told me so much about you! Come in."

I immediately warmed to her enthusiasm and charisma, and gave Jasper a quick nod of approval. "I'm guessing you're Alice?"

"Oh! Yes, of course. How silly of me not to introduce myself." She chuckled, before stepping under the threshold of the house and gliding through the front door.

I followed Jasper inside the small terrace, past a sunken lounge room on the left into a cosy dining room with a large oak table and wooden cabinets. It looked like the sort of place that Snow White would have cooked in when she lived with the Seven Dwarves. The room smelled of the heavenly lasagne which I had spotted in the oven, and a freshly thrown salad was sitting upon the bench while Alice made up a cheese platter.

To the right, a TV was entertaining an empty couch and a coffee table was covered in what appeared to be chemistry textbooks. The front of the room was filled with windows and piles of books piled in knee-high stacks around the room.

I slid next to Jasper into a bench stool, across from where Alice was preparing a cheese platter.

"This place is incredible." I said.

"Thank you!" Alice beamed. "We moved in after our second year of college. It's not too far from campus which makes it really great."

"It has a lot of character."

"Alice is studying event management," Jasper explained. "She's big on design and decoration."

Alice smiled across from where I sat, and continued preparing the cheese platter, and playfully smacked Jaspers hand as he tried to steal a cracker.

"You've done a great job." I said, impressed. "The house has a homey vibe."

"Edwina, try and sound a little _less_ gay." Jasper stirred, as he ate some cheese out of Alice's palm.

"Jasper, try and be a little _less _of a female." I retorted.

Jazz had the gal to smirk in my direction, before eating some more cheese from Alice's hand.

God, he was already whipped.

"So how did you both meet?" I probed.

"Oh!" Alice clapped her hands, delightedly. "It was lovely! In fact, I was managing an art festival in the city, which involved painting classes for the public. One of which Jasper had volunteered for."

"Oh, really? Jasper taught an art class?" I asked, quizzically, noticing that Jasper had turned a faint shade of green.

"Oh no," Alice beamed. "He modelled for them."

I turned my head to look at my friend with a gaze of disbelief, before letting out the largest inappropriately timed guffaw of my entire life. Emmett was going to birth a small child when he heard about this. Alice looked a little smug, as if she had orchestrated the entire conversation to unveil this secret, while Jasper looked like he was considering skydiving without a parachute.

"You _modelled_?"

Jasper sat in silence and picked at another cracker.

"In fact, I believe at one point you modelled naked? Right, Jasper?" He glared at her as she sidled up behind him. "Don't worry honey," she whispered in his ear, "That naked modelling had me hooked at first glance." Alice smacked a wet kiss on Jaspers left cheek before returning to the salad.

"So what about you, Edward?" She continued. "How long have you and Jasper known each other?"

"We met in high school." I supplied. "In school band, actually. Although, now I wish I'd taken art class just so I could've realised Jasper's love for nudity and drawing earlier on."

He slapped me on the shoulder.

"Oh Jasper! May I paint you sometime?" I requested gaily. "Pretty please?"

He snorted. "You'd like to see me naked, wouldn't you Edward."

"Seems like I'm the only one who hasn't."

"Fuck you."

I laughed, before turning back to Alice. "So, how many roommates do you live with?" I questioned.

Alice clapped a hand over her mouth. "Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry! I haven't even introduced you to them yet. I'll just go upstairs and get them." She bustled away towards the staircase and flitted upwards.

I watched after her, before turning to Jasper and once again losing myself to an uncontrollable fit of giggles. "I don't know if I will ever be able to take you seriously again, dude."

"It's an art form!" He defended.

"I'm not mocking the art form, I'm only mocking you." I explained.

He rolled his eyes, before sliding off his stool in an attempt to end the conversation. I followed as he made his way to the stairs where Alice had previously retreated, feeling as though the night had taken a significantly more interesting turn than previously expected.

As we climbed the Snow White staircase, I internally chastised the hope I got by the thought that I was perhaps about to witness Brown Eyes very own bedroom.

And bed.

And Brown Eyes.

Hot Brown Eyes.

Hot sex.

And.

_Fuck. _

It was going to be a_ long_ fucking night.

* * *

><p><strong>BELLA POV<strong>

I found myself having a very distinct sense of déjà vu as I stood in the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror.

The shirt was ruined.

Brown dirt and grass stains sat across the stomach, while splotchy splatters of some plant coated my side.

This was the second t-shirt I'd destroyed in the same amount of days.

In front of the _same people_.

_Who decides to stalk people who are coming into your own home?_

There was clearly something wrong with me.

I debated whether or not it was even worth making the effort to go downstairs and reintroduce myself and try and regain any dignity I may have left. _Which was very little. _

I ripped the shirt off and threw it in the bin, scavenging for another appropriate one of the bedroom floor. My old Beatles shirt looked fairly clean, so I figured I'd made a good enough effort.

I walked across the hall and onto the balcony where the fateful incident had occurred, to find that Rose was also in hiding.

"Hiding from males?" I inquired.

"Fuck you." She responded.

I chuckled to myself. The bruise across her forehead had turned purple and looked like she was the birth product of Willy Wonka. With that on my head, I wouldn't want to be seen by any prospective males either.

I settled down next to her.

"You look fine." I lied. "One of us has to go down there and entertain KKN1 while Alice and Jasper reproduce."

Rose glanced up from her magazine and glowered. "And you can't be that entertainer because…?"

"Because I just fell off the balcony in an attempt to view said guests," I reminded her.

She snorted. "Look, Bella. I don't care how humiliated you are, you do not have a turnip growing out of the side of your face. I am not in the mood to entertain."

"Which is ironic, considering your turnip is most entertaining." I smiled sweetly.

She wacked me with her magazine.

I grabbed the newspaper to return the favour, but as it pirouetted towards Rose's face, it was caught mid-air, suspended by a little arm and a threatening face underneath it.

"You two. Downstairs. Now." Pixie thundered.

"Alice. I just _ate the front lawn_ in front of those two. I don't particularly want to have to go down there and have a civilised meal with them." I complained.

She glared at me.

_Ok._ New avenue.

"I have a paper due tonight?"

"I know you don't, Bella."

"My Grandma's dying."

"She called this afternoon to tell you she found an ugly painting of a horse you did when you were three."

"What would possess her to think I'd be interested in that piece of news?"

"I have no idea, but she was definitely alive and well three hours ago."

"I have chronic diarrhoea?"

There was a deathly silence, followed by a smirk as I looked up to see Jasper and KKN1 standing in the doorway processing this new piece of news.

KKN1 gave me a toothy smile. "Thanks for the heads up."

Rose snorted.

My life was a living nightmare.

"No… I ah… nevermind." I glared at the ground, hoping that maybe the earth would swallow me whole.

"Now that we've got that sorted, let's reconvene in the dining room." Alice smiled, looking quite pleased with the outcome.

I held back as the two newly horrified males made their way down the stairs.

I reached the kitchen last, prolonging the inevitable small talk. I decided to remain quiet, not entirely sure how to address the fact that my apparent diarrhoea was a lie, and apologise for the fact that I had fallen on them and eaten half the garden as a welcoming gesture.

KKN1 slid into the stool next to me and extended his hand.

I rolled my eyes. Small talk with diarrhoea girl. _Faaaaaaantastic._

"Nice to see you again, Bella."

I internally scoffed. I'm sure he was, considering he now had witnessed enough embarrassing moments to blackmail me into eternity.

His hand remained outstretched, so I had little choice but to take it and pretend I was enjoying the kind gesture. I shook his hand, grumbling something semi-polite about it being nice to see him too.

_Biggest lie of my entire life. _

"So how've you been?" He tried again.

I was about to cut him off before I glanced up at Alice and got pinned with a withering glare that could annihilate large camels.

I turned back towards KKN1 and shrugged. "Good, I guess. You?"

"Yeah, good. Just keeping busy with college assessments and the like."

I decided to humour him. "What are you studying?"

"I'm a junior med student."

_Of course_ he was. Because the world wasn't fair and awarded him the gifts of both brains and the body of a greek god.

"And yourself?" He continued.

"Biochem."

He looked surprised, and then had the decency to look genuinely interested. "That sounds awesome."

Before he could make another awkward attempt of light-heartened conversation, I stood up and made my way over to the lounge room and flopped down on the couch. Rose was already there, flipping through music channels and watching with interest as Enrique was caught in a moral dilemma over which girl he would take home for the night.

_Poor Enrique. _

"I don't know why you're so opposed to being hospitable." Rose mused. "They both look fairly fuckable."

"That's not always the point, Rose." I grimaced. She desperately needed to stop being so desperate. "The fact is that Keen Kid Number 1 is not only keen in class, but he was _dry humping_ a girl before he spilt coffee across my chest, then he tried to_ fondle_ me, and _then _he tried to hit on me. I don't have time for guys who are so…"

"Into you?" She smirked.

"He's definitely not into me." I growled.

She raised an eyebrow.

"If he was into me, he wouldn't be fucking fish girl on the side." I mumbled.

Rose raised another questioning eyebrow, but turned her attention back to the TV where Enrique had decided it was most reasonable to keep both of the women.

"Just be polite." She advised. "For Alice's sake. And mine. I don't want to sit through another screeching of hers because you couldn't be a good host."

I shrugged back into the couch and rumpled my mess of hair. I wasn't trying to be difficult or rude, in fact, I'm sure that KKN1 was probably a lovely guy. But his flippant approach to women pissed me off, and I couldn't just shake that off. KKN1 had lost my respect the minute he had tried to hit on me while also fucking another girl.

I looked up to see that KKN1 had entered the room and was running his hands through his I-wake-up-like-this…just-kidding-i-spend-hours-on-this-look-every-morning hair, glancing round with increasing awkwardness.

"Yes?" I asked.

"I don't mean to intrude, Isabella, but Jazz and your friend just sort of, undressed each other in the pantry. I think they forgot I was there."

Aaaaand I can only imagine what he thought of our household now.

I sighed. "Excuse me for a second."

I stomped into the kitchen, shielded my eyes, and knocked on the pantry doors.

I heard a shriek, followed by a groan (I'm not sure what was worse), a string of expleratives and the shuffling of naked bodies.

"May I see you for a minute Alice?"

I swear I heard her growl. 'Must it be right now, Bella?" She inquired.

"Yes. I will see you upstairs in no less than 30 seconds."

I trotted up the stairs and waited for her in my room. 29 seconds later, and a tousled-haired, clearly aggravated Alice was standing by my bed with her hands on her hips.

"What", she snarled, "… was so important that you couldn't wait a few more minutes?"

"Alice." I sighed, and rounded on her. "I am here because you _forced_ me to be here. Right now, a certain _guest_ is _very uncomfortable_ in our home because you basically undressed yourself _and_ his best friend in front of him, and I am in no mood to entertain _your_ guests when you're busy _getting naked_ in the _kitchen closet_. If you wanted to have sex, you didn't have to ask him round for dinner as well. Suck it up, and wait til later."

"God, you're a prude Bella." She mumbled.

It was a low blow, even for her. She knew of my recent dry spell, and also knew my current distaste for her behaviour had nothing to do with it.

"Bella…I'm…"

"Fuck you."

I grabbed my book, and stomped down the stairs and through the front door. There was no way I was going to play nice with her tea party when she wasn't even going to appreciate the fact. I strode down the street and crunched a few autumn leaves that had made their way onto the footpath. Secretly, I was proud of myself. My usual doormat characteristics had finally taken a stand. I stumbled in to a coffee house that still happened to be open, and ordered a strong black. I opened my book and sat back in the chair; getting comfortable.

"Today is going to be a better day." I thought to myself, sarcastically repeating the mantra of this morning.

_Fuck today_.

* * *

><p><strong>EDWARD POV<strong>

I watched as Isabella stormed through the front door with a fury only matched by the wrath of God himself, and returned to my previous spot on the arm of the lounge, where I was perched awkwardly while Rosalie and I watched Jerry Springer. Rosalie had made a few attempts at casual conversation, but it was clear that the blue egg on her head had made her in no mood to talk. In fact, it appeared she wanted to crawl upstairs and never be seen again.

Despite the original naked-painting revelations that had been uncovered earlier, tonight was turning distinctly pear shaped. Jasper had leaped into action and trotted upstairs as Isabella had whipped through the house, and the fact that neither he nor Alice had reappeared suggested that they were having some more naked revelations of their own in the bedroom.

And by the smell of it, the Lasagne was burning.

_Tonight was going splendidly._

I stood to get myself another cheese cracker, before taking it upon myself to turn off the oven, since it didn't appear that Alice or Jasper would be returning anytime soon, and I wasn't exactly sure if Rosalie even knew how to operate in a kitchen. I grabbed my wallet off the counter and decided it was best if I just left. I wasn't particularly in the mood to third wheel, or wait around until Jasper had completed his adventures upstairs.

I turned to Rose. 'Hey, could you maybe let Jazz know I've gone home? And thank Alice for having me? It's just, it's getting sort of awkward and….' I trailed off.

She smirked. 'Don't worry Edward, I get it. I don't exactly want to be here while they're having sex around the house, either. I'll let them know.'

'Thanks.' I gathered my coat and my wallet from the kitchen bench before heading towards the front door. Rose smiled and went back to watching Jerry Springer.

I let myself out and started down the sidewalk in the general direction of the Froggy Bottom Pub. I tucked my hands inside my pockets and crunched on some of the leaves that had fallen from the trees. It was cold, I was hungry and all I wanted was some of the home baked Lasagne that I had left behind and a double-shot espresso.

Tonight had been a complete failure on all accounts. Isabella hated me, and Alice and Jasper had forgotten about me. Had I lost my touch, or was it all just a case of bad timing? My self esteem grew increasingly pathetic as I rounded the corner and hailed a taxi. As I slid into the back seat, I couldn't figure out why Brown Eyes was still on my mind. Why did I want her so badly? Her smell, her house; everything about her was beautiful, and innocent.

And very clearly off limits.

The cab rounded onto my street and I hopped out and paid the driver, before pushing open the pub doors. The chimes sung happily and the smell greeted me like an old, compassionate friend. Emmett stood behind the counter pouring beers for two good looking, leggy blondes, and smiled at me as I made my way behind the bar.

"Evette! What's happening?" He punched me in the shoulder before giving me a beer. "Do tell me that Jazz's wife's lasagne was worth the third wheeling."

"Not even nearly. In fact, he's still there."

"Hopefully naked."

"I can guarantee it." I laughed.

"That's my boy! Why didn't you stay to get the details?" He quizzed.

"I already interrupted them once in the closet. They forgot I was there."

Emmett bowled over, laughing. "They _forgot_ you? God, those two must be ridiculously horny."

"You have no idea" I sighed.

I left Emmett at the bar while I drifted around picking up dirty glasses, and struck up a casual conversation with one of the blondes. Maybe sweet blondie could give me something other than Brown Eyes to concentrate on.

I skulled the remaining contents of my glass and headed in her direction.

_Time to break the drought. _

* * *

><p>Sorry for the long wait! I've been overseas for the past month galavanting around the States and didn't have my dearest laptop by my side. Hopefully this chapter will meet your expectations! Love to all those who read. <em><br>_


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. **

* * *

><p><strong>EDWARD POV<strong>

Daylight assaulted my eyes as I slid them open to glance at the clock.

11am.

_Fuck._

My medicine lab was at least an hour through and I'd clearly ignored whatever alarm I'd previously set. Instead, I felt like I'd been hit in the face with a brick, smelt like bourbon, and was naked: either a very positive or incredibly worrying indication of how last night had played out.

I took a quick peak over my left shoulder and saw a mass of blonde hair sprawled across the pillow. Her body was strategically placed under the blankets, but I was fairly confident she was naked because I could see a black bra dangling from the headboard.

I tossed up whether or not I was in the mood to be a gentleman, and decided I was definitely feeling shitty enough to sneak out of the apartment without decently saying goodbye or thank you.

_I was a terrible, terrible human being._

I silently slid off the mattress, cradling my head as I found what appeared to be a clean shirt and a pair of jeans. I shrugged the jeans on, before slipping out of my front door and into Emmett's apartment.

Unfortunately, Tarzan was propped up on the kitchen counter, avidly reading. I couldn't decide what was more disconcerting: watching Emmet read, or the sneaky grin that had spread its way across his face as I made my way through the door.

"Emilia! You sexy feline! Weren't you a little scoundrel last night?"

I cringed at the deafening noise of his voice.

"Aaaaand what do you have to say for yourself?" He enquired, probing for details.

"It worries me that you seem to find more satisfaction in my conquest that I did." I said, as I slid onto his couch and pulled a cushion over my face.

"That's certainly hard to believe, considering the noises she was making. I mean, Jesus, Eliza, it was a traumatic experience for everyone in the building."

I groaned and rolled over.

"I guess having a vagina has helped you finally figure out what girls like," Emmett chuckled.

"Fuck you."

Emmett snorted and sauntered back into the kitchen where he threw some Tylenol at me. I popped the cap and downed a few with a glass of water, wishing that the room was a little less bright and that Emmett was a lot less noisy.

"Aren't you meant to be at Uni?" Emmett asked as he sat down next to me.

"Aren't you meant to be at work?" I replied.

"Touche."

"Avoiding someone, are we?"

"I wasn't the one who forgot the name of blondie in the middle of sex last night."

I internally smacked myself in the face. It was a very bad sign when Emmett knew more about your night than you did.

"I see you've vacated your apartment" Jasper said, gliding through the door, before perching himself on the edge of the table. "She sure looks like a cutie."

"On the contrary, the sounds she was making could not be described as 'cute'." Emmett informed.

I looked to the roof and prayed for mercy.

"Edward, you cheeky little boy! Do tell the details."

I prayed harder.

"He's suffering from a serious case of Saturday morning regret. Common phrases that may be heard include 'fuck you', 'what even happened last night?', and 'it's just not even ok.'"

God hated me.

"Anyways, Ed', Jasper cut in, 'I'm over here to invite you to a function Alice is holding tomorrow night. I realise that last night didn't give you the best impression of Alice and I, but we'll be in public sooo…"

"… So you'll have to be even sneakier than you were with the cupboard incident?" I supplied.

He had the decency to look ashamed. "Look. I'm sorry we had sex in the pantry. I'm sorry I forgot you were there. I promise to be a good wingman tomorrow night if you choose to accompany me. Not that you seem to need my help, judging by the blonde specimen passed out in your bed."

"_I'll_ accompany you on this mysterious adventure." Emmett stated, standing and saluting as if his acceptance of the invitation was worth presidential honour.

"You weren't invited." Jasper raised an eyebrow.

"I'll see you at eight, sugar." And with that, Emmett had glided back to his previous post and began reading.

I looked up at Jasper. "I'm not making any promises in my current state."

"It starts at eight. I'll pick you up and we can go round together. We can get in for free. And apparently the food is phenomenal. Plus, it's for charity, so it's for a good cause."

I pondered the thought.

"There's an open bar."

"I'm in."

"You were _in_ last night too!" Emmett shouted from his stool at the kitchen bench.

Jasper chuckled. "I'll come pick you up at seven thirty. And do something about Blondie. Was she breathing when you woke up?"

"I didn't check." I muttered.

"You might have killed her. Just think: she would have died in the holy name of fornication. I actually would have been semi-proud of you. Like a father. I'll see you later this afternoon, when you smell less of dirty sex. Have a pleasant day, ."

I groaned and rolled onto the floor. The torture was never-ending.

* * *

><p><strong>BELLA POV<strong>

I stood behind the shield of the change room door trying to ignore the orders Alice was barking at me. As per usual, I wasn't to be trusted in a boutique alone and Alice had taken it upon herself to find me something _she_ deemed appropriate for the Winter State Charity Dinner she was hosting tonight. The little Pixie had already blown her fuse once today when I'd informed her of my intent to 'find something in my wardrobe' to wear. I'd never seen her pale so quickly, before she lost all dignity by screaming 'OUTFIT REPEATER', and shaking her hands at me as if she'd just laid eyes on Satan himself.

Needless to say, fifteen minutes later I'd been pushed in and out of at least four dresses that Alice had selected.

I slipped up the zipper, hidden in the side of the fifth dress and turned around to face myself. Unlike the others that Alice had chosen, this one was a little less revealing and a little more comfortable. The red colour managed to make my skin look pretty as opposed to deathly white, and the hemline fell just above my knees, meaning I could avoid tripping over my own dress. Which was a likely occurrence.

I slid across the curtain to see if I could gain Alice's approval.

"BEEEELLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" She squealed, with what I hoped was delight. "This is it. This is the one you are wearing tonight."

She turned to the boutique owner, giving me no chance to interject, and flicked her card at her. "We'll also take this pair of shoes," she said, pointing to a simple black pair of deathly high wedges sitting neatly on a table.

I opened my mouth to protest, but she cut me off with a steely glare.

"I know you hate heels, Bella, but I have compromised. This will help with your balance. I don't want to hear any complaints."

I huffed and shut the curtain behind me as I walked back into the change room to undress. "Do I get any say in what I wear tonight?" I inquired.

"Of course you do," Alice responded. "I know you like the dress."

I huffed again to reaffirm my distaste of her being right, and shoved my legs back into my pair of jeans.

"I'm only doing this because I'm a really, really good friend." I emphasised.

Alice had the nerve to laugh. "Please. Don't talk such smack. You're going because you love the food, not to mention free alcohol. Oh, and also because you need to get laid."

I glared from behind the curtain.

Alice sauntered off to the counter to pay whatever obscene amount that the dress had cost, while I was left to try and struggle back into the Rolling Stone's shirt I'd discovered in the washing pile a month ago. It was yet to be claimed, and so I was selflessly housing it in my own wardrobe. I stepped from behind the curtain and tried not to glance at the bag that Alice had added to the purchase. I had no idea where she'd pulled it from, but I certainly didn't want to know how much it cost, either.

We made our way through the front door of the shop and stepped onto the sidewalk. The sun was hot and dry, despite the wisps of wind that continued to sweep through the city. I threw my headphones in and parted ways with Alice, who was driving back to the venue to finalise the finishing touches. I left the dress and heels with her, not particularly wanting to have to carry them home and contemplate how the hell I was actually going to walk tonight.

Rage Against the Machine blasted through my headphones as I turned down a side street and wandered along the pavement. I hoped that tonight would be good. Despite my usual aversion to formal events and my failure at looking respectable at them, I desperately needed to get out of the house. It had been nearly six months since Jacob had slept with my best friend despite our four year relationship, and it was time to move on. The worst part was that despite the humiliation suffered from such a rejection, I couldn't help but feel as though it could have been worse. Jake and I had been rocky for a long time, and I'd been ready to move on. While that didn't make the situation any more agreeable, or any less painful, it was time to move on and leave the heartbreak in the past.

I stepped through the front door of our humble abode, only to be greeted with the screeching sounds of "YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS", "UUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHH" and "FUUUUUUUUCK."

Well, Rose was home.

I turned up my iPod and wandered into the kitchen, casually shielding my eyes in case any of the debauchery had made its way downstairs and onto any nearby benches. I wasn't particularly in the mood to watch any live porn, and managed to successfully feel my way to the pantry without coming across any naked skin.

God, I deserved a medal.

I found an apple and slinked back into the dining room where I found my romance novel and slouched through the front door onto a rocking chair that was sitting on the veranda. There was no way I was re-entering the house until at least one of its current occupants had left the premises. And depending on Rose's demands and said males abilities, that could be anywhere between ten minutes and two hours.

_First world problems. _

I resigned myself to the rocking chair and pulled upon a dog-eared page from an embarrassingly girly romance novel that I was currently leafing through. _God, I really did need to get laid._ I rocked the chair slightly and curled my legs underneath me before I lost myself in a romantic tale of two highly sexual lovers. It struck me that I was living a little too vicariously through such books.

_Reason number fifty billion as to why I'm single._

I sighed to myself_. Sweet Lord,_ tonight better reap some benefits.

* * *

><p><strong>EDWARD POV<strong>

I did up the final button on my collared white shirt and shrugged into my suit jacket. As I glanced into the mirror, I knew I should have made more effort with my hair but it was so uncontrollable and ruthlessly unagreeable that I had decided to let it make its own styling decisions for tonight.

Jasper burst through my door decked out in a black suit paired with a bright orange tie. When I raised a questioning eyebrow, he waved me off grumbling something about 'Alice' and 'festive winter cheer'. I chuckled and sought out a pair of socks, while Jasper headed for my liquor cabinet and downed a shot of whiskey.

"Classy, Jazz", I responded with a mouth of toothpaste.

"You too, comrade," he replied.

I finished cleaning my teeth with Jasper whisking me out the front door to his waiting car downstairs like we were a cute married couple off on a date. As I slid into the passenger seat I noticed a bunch of condoms stashed in the open glovebox.

"Confident tonight, are we Jazz?" I snorted.

He forcefully slapped the glovebox shut. "I need to be prepared. Unlike you, you celibate bastard."

"May I remind you of this morning?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Pfft. Good luck picking up any girls tonight with that slinky attitude."

I snorted. "Please. In this suit, I can pick up any female in a ten kilometre radius."

"You are such a cocky slut."

"You're just jealous of how utterly delectable I look in this suit."

"God help me, you actually _do_ have a vagina." Jasper threw the car into reverse, and shrieked as he realised that we had been joined by a third passenger crouching across the backseat.

"Good evening, ladies." Emmett bellowed as he slapped his seatbelt across his waist. "And what a _fine_ evening it is! Let the favour of many easy ladies be with us all."

"I distinctly remember uninviting you." Jasper scowled.

"I distinctly remember Alice giving me an invitation once I mentioned that you're basically in love with me."

"You called Alice?" Jasper choked. "You don't even have her number!"

"Oh honey pie, you underestimate my abilities to get what I want. Alice and I have been good friends since way back."

"He stole her number from your phone." I piped up, earning me a slap across the back of my head.

"In my defence, she would have given it to me anyway once she laid eyes on this delicious body of mine."

Jasper growled. "So how long have you been sitting in the back of my car?"

"I slinked out while you and her royal majesty sitting in the front seat made love to each other upstairs."

"I was putting my shoes on!" I defended.

"And Jasper was putting your footprints on the ceiling. I know how it works, cupcake."

I rolled my eyes and stared out the window as we pulled into the parking lot of one of the older campus buildings that had been decked out in lights. A red carpet was rolled out across the front steps, with a valet waiting to take Jaspers keys.

I stepped onto the carpet and made my way up the stairs; Jasper leading the way as he eagerly scanned for Alice, who he had spotted next to the entrance decked out in a bright orange cocktail dress that matched his pathetic tie. As he swept her up into his arms, I was briefly glad that Emmett had decided to come along, as it didn't appear that Jasper would be wingmaning me at all.

"Getting misty eyes at the sight of such beautiful romance?" Emmet giggled.

As previously stated, I was briefly, _fleetingly, minutely _glad for his presence.

"You're a dick."

"And you wish you had one."

I shrugged off the attack of my manhood and walked up to Alice who greeted me with a large smile and an eager hug.

"Edward! I'm so glad you could make it!" She muffled into my chest, before turning to Emmett. "And you! You must be Emmett! My god you're the size of a Gorilla."

"And you haven't even seen all of me." Emmett winked.

I died a bit inside.

Alice chuckled and directed us to the foyer where they were handing out glasses of wine and canapés. I downed a glass of wine, along with two more, while Emmett flirted with two brunettes that had thrown themselves into his Gorilla arms.

I chuckled, happy that he was having a good time before heading towards the nearest waiter and downing another two wines like that classy guy I was. Emmett gradually wandered back over towards me, cheekily smiling at the two girls in a way that promised there was more to come later.

"Try not to stare, pumpkin. I know it's difficult and I know you want to know all of my tips, but it will all come in due course."

"Fuck you, Emmett."

"You're not my type, honey pie."

He grinned and grabbed a sandwich from a waiter passing by, stuffing the whole thing in his mouth and swallowing it in what appeared to be a single bite. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to be horrified or impressed, and so I picked up another wine and began to sip it a little more elegantly than the previous five.

Emmett turned and grabbed another two sandwiches, before stopping the food in front of his abnormally large mouth.

"_Fuuuuuuuck."_ He uttered under his breath.

I turned to see what he was staring at, and spotted Alice's friend Blondie standing on the stairs nearby, decked out in a navy blue dress that hugged her curves in all the right places and dipped just a little too low at the chest.

I let out a low whistle. "God luck, man. She is out of your league on so many levels."

"Please, she practically threw herself at me that night at the bar," he mused, confidently.

"... When she was intoxicated and wanted another drink. Don't expect to get the same treatment at this sort of event."

He raised an eyebrow and devoured his remaining sandwiches like a caveman. "Challenge accepted," he stated, strolling off in the direction of the Blonde goddess occupying the stairs.

I sank into a nearby ottoman, settling in to enjoy this fine piece of entertainment. My eyes followed Emmett as he causally sauntered up the stairs and turned on a charming grin as he approached the Blonde piece of art that was arranged at the top of the stairs.

Which is about when I lost sight of Emmett and first gained sight of her.

_Brown eyes. _

Her hair was tied into a loose bun at the back of her head, with soft ringlets falling from the silver clasp holding the bun together and framing her face. Her dress was a dark red, and cut just above the knee to allow me a glimpse of perfectly carved legs.

_She was beautiful._

The dress hugged her chest as she breathed and fell away at her hips, drawing my eyes further down the legs to a pair of ridiculously high black heels.

_My god I just died and went to heaven._

I _still_ wanted Brown eyes.

And if I had anything to say about it, she was going to be mine by the end of tonight.

* * *

><p>Once again, I'm sorry for the abnormally long break inbetween chapters. Real life caught up with me: with Uni exams, lots of travelling, a bunch of inconvienient assessments and a serious case of writers block. Hopefully I'll be able to post a little more frequently now that the festive season is upon us and I'm back home being lonely and generally very single.<p>

My life is so hard.

Reviews and guidance is loved as I'm still new to this and appreciate all ideas.

Love to those who continue to patiently read through my story and smack talk. And despite my dislike of Christmas, I hope you all have a very Merry one.

Love, Lily.


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